Student Publishing Program ::

Wally N.

Darned Socks

    Dr. Bloomburg was hard at work sorting the socks that were in a large pile on the floor before him. He had two large chutes to throw them down. The chute to his left was for white socks and the chute to his right was for black socks. Dr. Bloomburg had worked a lifetime to have this job, and he loved it with a passion. It had everything anyone could desire in his ideal dream job. The job paid extremely well, he had the most pleasant solitude while he worked, and there was even delightful music that played continually in the background. Sure the room was a little under-furnished (the solid white room consisted of merely a door, one chair, the pile of socks, the two chutes, and an air vent in the corner), but Dr. Bloomburg didn’t mind. His home was equally empty, as new furniture was very expensive. Only company heads could afford new furniture. And of course what satisfied Dr. Bloomburg the most was the fawoomp-ing sound that each sock made as it fell down a chute.

White then black.
White then black.
White then black.
Fawoomp!

   Dr. Bloomburg was also thankful for the consistency of his job. Not every job was so simple in its concept. The soul fulfilling challenges (he felt) were the difficult labor, being able to perform the task as quickly as possible, and completing the task with accuracy. Dr. Bloomburg had no idea how the socks appeared every morning when he arrived at work. Nor did he know what would happen if he put a sock in the wrong chute. The department heads simply told him when he got the job that there would be socks there every morning without fail and that he was to be extra careful in making sure that only white socks went down the left chute and the black colored socks down the right chute. He didn’t question this either as he was convinced that upper management would criticize him for asking such a foolish question. The socks were there. The chutes were there. What more should he need to know?

White then black.
White then black.
White then black.

   And every time a satisfying fawoomp. Dr. Bloomburg smiled to himself as he dropped another sock down the chute. He was enjoying the pattern of white sock – black sock, but decided that tomorrow he would try black sock – white sock. Dr. Bloomburg began to get more excited. There was only a small pile of socks left! Once he had finished the day’s task he could go home and rest in his nice warm bed.

   Suddenly everything went wrong as he released the second to last sock. On the floor in front of him lay one lone sock of a different color. It was pink! Dr. Bloomburg panicked. He had never seen a pink sock before and he had no idea what to do. There was no one to ask what to do. And even if he did ask, what would they do to him?

   Dr. Bloomburg sat and stared at the sock.

   “This cannot be!”, Bloomburg exclaimed aloud, “Not now. Not to me!” Certainly there had been some mistake, but how could he ever blame management for such a horrible mistake without getting in trouble? Dr. Bloomburg realized that maybe some one had framed him. Surely there were hundreds of out of work people with theses on more recent studies than his, and considering how tough competition for his job was it seemed entirely possible that one might do this.

   Dr. Bloomburg became enraged at the thought of someone infringing upon his well being. How dare they ruin his years of hard work with something as devastating as this? Sure the plan was clever, but to steal someone’s job this way was simply wrong. Then again, would management feel the same way? Being clever was a key trait of any good employee.

   Maybe, Dr. Bloomburg thought, he could reverse the situation. Maybe, just maybe, he could take this horror and turn it into a great opportunity! Perhaps he could convince management that he could study the pink sock, make some revolutionary discovery, update his thesis and go down in sock sorting history!

   Then again, he reflected solemnly, they would never agree to that. The whole scheme was probably planned years ago. The company probably had plans to liquidate him out before he was even hired! How could they do this? Only two months ago they had given him a raise for “such excellent work”. It simply did not make sense.

    Dr. Bloomburg turned the chair around and sat awkwardly, peering down upon the lone pink sock over the back of the chair. He gripped his head, which was cooking inside trying to find some way out of this terrible predicament.

   Then Dr. Bloomburg had a thought. “What if I put the sock in the vent? Then no one will know it was ever here. Everyone will forget this ever happened and things can continue as normally. That would be wonderful!”

   So Dr. Bloomburg walked cautiously over to the air vent. He pulled off the screen in the most meticulous manner. He carefully placed the sock into the vent. Then with the greatest care, ever so slowly, he replaced the metal screen to its resting place.

   He sat and stared at the vent.

[TABLE OF CONTENTS, LHS CLASS OF 2011 EDITION]