We gather here today to mourn the passing

Of our father, who was known for asking;

Such questions as “Why, who, when, how, and where?”

Father English, abandoned without care.

And so we have a eulogy tonight,

For that great language which through heightened strife,

Has died, left us with just an empty shell,

Of that we had once learned and loved so well.

***

Oh English! Language that we so adore!

So hard to learn, and yet so widely spread;

Our favorite poems are spoken nevermore,

Now that your flow’ry phrases are all dead.



Nobody now does call, “Oh, it is I!”

The answer “I am well,” is oft ignored,

Instead, we find ourselves with open eye,

Seeing your golden letters much abhorred!



Mixed up with numbers, saying G 2 G,

Does N E 1 respect your prowess now?

Or switched with others, plurals with a “z”

We weep to see these changez made, and how!



These kidz 2day lack all the skillz to write,

T T Y L, and everyone, Good Night!